


Revelations

by thesoundofnat



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Confessions, Drunken Confessions, Gen, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Revelations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 09:19:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10510839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesoundofnat/pseuds/thesoundofnat
Summary: Three times Jim reveals something about himself to Bones while drunk, and one time he reveals something while sober.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this instead of working on my home exam... I hope you'll like it or I neglected my education in vain lmao

One bottle of _something_ later and both Bones and Jim should’ve been incoherent messes, but if there was one thing they were both good at it was holding their liquor. Bones remembered a time when he’d scowled at Jim for his ability to not join the other freshmen in the bathroom or the floor or occasionally the emergency room (though Bones would’ve kicked his ass if he’d done the latter). Jim wasn’t _that_ much older than the other first year students, but the fact that he didn’t sway after two glasses of whatever like the others meant that Jim was more familiar with booze than they were, and that had worried Bones to death.

Now, several years and a ship later, he’d learnt to not linger on it. Jim had never even so much as hinted about why he’d once had such an intimate relationship with alcohol, and Bones wasn’t exactly in any position to ask since he would’ve been the biggest hypocrite. But they were both better. Drinking less. _Had_ to drink less due to their duties. But they didn’t mind. Sometimes, however, they needed a little something in their system or they might go insane. At least that was how Bones was feeling.

Jim’s face was flushed, and Bones was sure he wasn’t looking any more respectable himself, but other than that you could barely tell the captain was intoxicated. He kept squinting in Bones’ direction though, so he guessed not even Jim was completely immune to the bottle’s power.

“I’ve missed this,” he said, not even slurring. “Remember our nights out back at the Academy?”

“How could I forget.”

Jim’s smile was wistful. “Damn. Never thought I’d miss school.”

“It’s the freedom of school you miss,” Bones told him, pushing his empty glass around and leaving a wet trail on the table. “The only expectations we had back then was that we would pass all our classes and not get in too much trouble.”

Jim hummed. “That’s true. Did you know I was scared of graduating?”

Bones frowned. He hadn’t known that at all.

“I’m serious,” Jim said when he saw his look. “I was fucking terrified of the real world, because in my head it wasn’t the same world I had left before the Academy. It was bigger. Full of opportunities I never would’ve been able to even reach for before Pike found me, no matter who my father was.” He tipped his glass just to feel the few drops in it hit his tongue. “I know I was all cocky about being the best and becoming captain and what not, but I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. I couldn’t show it though, or people would start doubting me.”

Bones didn’t say anything at first, just watched him push his glass away and eye the empty bottle sadly. It all made sense, of course, but Bones had never really paused to ponder over how Jim had _actually_ been feeling about it all. He’d always figured the kid had so many things to prove to people and to himself so that he never even dreaded the outcome.

Leonard McCoy felt like a goddamn idiot for not having seen it.

“You know it’s normal to fear the future, right?” he said, trying to sound supportive without invalidating his friend’s feelings.

Jim caught his gaze and smiled again, and this time it was somewhat sheepish. “I know. I guess I just thought I didn’t have the right to feel that.”

“You have the right to feel anything.”

“With who my father was,” Jim continued as if Bones hadn’t said anything. “I’ve always felt like I needed to be better.”

“You’re a great captain, Jim.”

Jim laughed. Bones couldn’t entirely identify what the laugh meant. “God, I need another drink.”

Bones grabbed his glass and pulled it toward himself. “No more. We’ve had enough for tonight, don’t you think?”

“I hate how right you sometimes are,” Jim muttered with a sigh. “Let’s go drink a bucket of water each. Be responsible or something.”

Bones grinned at how overly dejected he sounded and stood to lead the way. Normally he wasn’t one to deny them one last drink, but if Jim was revealing things about himself that Bones had never heard about during the years they’d known each other he knew it was time to stop before Jim confessed to even graver things that he wouldn’t want anyone to know. As curious as Bones could be, he wasn’t a sadist like that.

But damn was he curious.

* * *

 

Bones was sure Jim remembered their talk. Neither of them were very good at forgetting drunk situations, but they didn’t comment on it. Bones didn’t see a point in doing it anyway. It had been a long time ago, and maybe Jim didn’t find it as embarrassing anymore, so why should they talk about it to begin with? The thought occasionally crossed Bones’ mind though; how Jim’s sleepless nights back then made much more sense now.

Maybe Bones needed to be more observant.

It took them about a month before they hid away in Jim’s quarters for another night of drinking. Bones only had to look at Jim one evening before he mumbled a “be right back” and left the room only to return ten minutes later with a bottle he was keeping for special occasions. The way Jim’s eyes lit up told him everything he needed to know.

“You’re an angel, Bones,” Jim all but moaned, and Bones had to laugh.

“Maybe we shouldn’t overdo it.”

They toasted and knocked back their first few drinks easily, though Bones urged them to savor the rest since he wouldn’t be able to get this specific brand until they returned to Earth again, and that wasn’t anytime soon.

An hour later and they still had quite a bit left, but with how strong it was Jim was already laughing that tipsy laugh of his as his face became redder and redder. It was hilarious enough for Bones to join in.

“We must be exhausted,” Jim said once they’d calmed down. “Or maybe you put something in the booze.”

“Don’t you think the booze could do this to us on its own?”

Jim shot him a look. “Come on.”

Bones held up his hands. “It was just a suggestion.” But Bones did agree that they must both have been severely sleep deprived if they were giggling like this already.

Jim poured them both another glass and spent a few seconds just staring at the liquid as if it was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen. Then his eyes met Bones’ and he smiled sadly.

“Did you know my first month as captain was torture because I knew I couldn’t just drink whenever I wanted?”

Bones had had a hunch since he’d experienced something similar, but he hadn’t been aware of how much it must’ve affected him. He tilted his head in a silent request for Jim to continue.

“I remember thinking that I could do whatever I wanted because I was the captain. Turns out you have so many fucking responsibilities that drinking is the last thing on your mind. And if you get a moment over you start getting afraid that something’s gonna happen and you won’t be able to help because you’ll be drunk out of your mind.” Jim exhaled slowly. “I figured I could learn to only have one glass or so, just to calm down after a rough day. Then I got afraid I wouldn’t be able to stop.”

They were silent for a moment, both lost in thought. Bones could definitely relate to what he was saying, and he wasn’t even the captain. The ‘Fleet could tolerate a lot of things, but neglecting your duties wasn’t one of them. It had taken him a lot of years to come to terms with that sometimes you just needed a drink.

“How come you drink now?” he asked, looking up and meeting Jim’s gaze again.

Jim seemed calmer when he replied. “Because I trust Spock’s ability to know what to do in an emergency.”

And Bones trusted Chapel’s ability. He hadn’t done that before.

He grabbed a hold of his glass and held it up in front of him. “To asking for help.”

Jim blinked, smiled, and held up his own to knock it against Bones’. “To not having to bear every burden alone.”

They drank and then they went to bed with the knowledge that the bottle wasn’t empty. They were getting better.

* * *

 

The next time Bones’ lips touched booze was only a couple of weeks later, and the sole reason for that was because Jim had insisted they drink. It was Bones’ birthday after all.

Knowing that Bones wasn’t big on celebrations, Jim agreed to it just being the two of them and the rest of the bottle they hadn’t finished. Bones couldn’t have asked for a better birthday, he had to admit. Jim was smiling and talking animatedly through the night, which didn’t make matters any worse either. Bones was sure he was grinning from ear to ear himself.

“Tell me about your best birthday so far,” Jim urged him after having recounted his attempt at throwing Bones a birthday party during their first year at the Academy before finding out Bones hated celebrations which resulted in him having to frantically cancel everything last minute.

“Besides this one?”

“Obviously.”

Bones hummed skeptically. “I don’t know, man. I have a vague memory of my 16th birthday being great.”

“Your sweet 16, eh?” Jim wiggled his eyebrows at him. “Do share some details.”

“That was like a hundred years ago,” Bones said with a laugh.

“Cut yourself some slack, doctor.”

“I don’t really remember much of it. Just that it was good. Do you remember all your birthdays anyway? How about you tell me about _your_ sweet 16.”

Had Bones been more sober he might’ve noticed the brief look that passed over Jim’s face, but he only noticed how silent he’d suddenly gone. But before Bones could properly realize he’d fucked up and apologize Jim was talking again.

“My 16th birthday sucked,” he said softly, nonchalantly. “I spent it alone with a fake ID so that I could get a hold of booze. It wasn’t really the most heartwarming birthday to be honest.”

Bones felt like a moron for asking. He _knew_ Jim’s homelife hadn’t been good. He _knew_ that Jim had left home before he was legal. He should’ve known. He should’ve fucking known.

“You don’t have to tell me more,” he said, his voice raspy and somewhat choked up.

Jim only smiled. “It’s all right. I like telling you about stuff. It makes me feel better afterwards.”

If Bones still wasn’t mentally beating himself up maybe he would’ve been flattered.

“I’ll tell you about my best birthday, though,” Jim continued, sounding more cheerful. “It was the year before my older brother ran away. I was like ten or something. I don’t remember. He bought me cake and presents and made sure my mom and stepdad would be out so that we could celebrate alone. Maybe he knew it would be the last birthday he’d spend with me, because I remember him leaving only a few months later.” Jim raised his glass, but didn’t drink. “I threw away all the gifts he’d given me after he left. I still regret it to this day.”

Bones watched him drink, took a sip himself, and said, “Next year I’ll make sure to throw you the biggest party ever.”

“You don’t have to do that, Bones.”

“I know.”

Jim didn’t say anything, and Bones knew this night was about to wrap up. The bottle was now empty.

* * *

 

Life on the Enterprise continued as usual with a bunch of calm days followed up by near death experiences. Bones always had to remind himself to never complain about being bored, but of course he broke his own promise only days later. As reluctant as he’d been about being stuck in space he had to admit it was a good way to test his patience at least.

Nothing had tried to kill them yet that week, and yet Bones still found Jim all but nodding off in his chair, and the fact that he didn’t protest when Bones started pulling him toward his room was enough of an indication that Jim needed sleep right now or he would crash.

“Come on, off with your boots,” Bones told him as he dumped his friend on the bed.

Jim made a whining sound that only Bones would ever hear and started kicking his feet in a weak attempt to do as Bones had asked. Bones only sighed and took a hold of his ankle. “Hold still.”

Jim smiled as Bones helped him get ready for bed, much like he’d done during their Academy days. He guessed some things just never changed, no matter what your title was.

“Thank you, you’re the best,” Jim slurred, and Bones had to find it hilarious that he acted more drunk when he was tired than when he was actually drunk.

“Don’t I know it. Come on, get under the covers, you big idiot.”

“I really appreciate you, you know,” Jim said as Bones tucked him in. “Like, so much. You’re the best friend anyone could ask for.”

Bones knew all that, but they rarely vocalized how much they meant to each other. It was all just indicated.

Apparently Jim didn’t only reveal things when he had alcohol in his system, and Bones didn’t mind it at all.

“Ditto, kiddo,” he said, even though Jim was already fast asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my [tumblr](http://thesoundofnat.tumblr.com/)


End file.
